Wrong

So I was wrong when I said I wasn't pregnant anymore. Wrong when I said I was okay. I'm still pregnant. I still have a baby growing inside me, but not where it should. I went in today for yet another (my sixth since this whole ordeal began) blood test. Thinking it would show decreasing hormones I breezed in and out and moved on. I had already put it all behind me and was moving on focusing on all I have. Then, this afternoon I got a call. My hormone levels are not decreasing at all. The Doctors are very concerned and I need to return immediately to get another blood test and talk about treatment options. Or rather the treatment option. I wish I could say I took it all in stride and chalked it up to back luck, fate or whatever it is. But I didn't. I cried on David's shoulder, got angry and cried some more. David's boss gave him as much time as he needed today and so it was with his love and support that I mustered the courage to face this.
They did another pelvic ultrasound just to make sure they had it right because methotrexate is not a drug to be used lightly. Apparently it has a few big risk factors. It's actually chemo generally given to cancer patients. It attacks the cells that are the baby and kills them. It aborts my baby. The one still growing inside me, just attached in the wrong place.
The dosage is much smaller than that given to cancer patients so I shouldn't be concerned about losing my hair, or anything like that, just dizziness, nausea, and other various fun side affects. My good doctor also warned me about the pain. She said it will probably feel the same as if I pinched the end of my pinky finger until it died. So pretty painful. There is still a very large risk that the baby will rupture my fallopian tube and cause some serious damage. Oh yeah and it could kill me. That was emphasised quite a bit. If I experience any extreme pain (other than what I should be feeling I guess) I am to go to the er and then they will surgically remove the baby. Sounds fun doesn't it? They are going to try and prevent that by monitoring me closely. I have several more blood tests and a few more appts with the doctors in the next few weeks. Luckily they are all wonderful people and I am grateful for their gentle care and kind words.
David is the most wonderful, patient, kind, loving Husband. He has been nothing but supportive of me through out this whole thing. It has brought us so much closer and made our marriage that much stronger. I love you David, and I am thrilled at the prospect that I get to have you by my side for all of Eternity. There is no one else who could fill your shoes!